


Walking in my shoes

by snarled_musings



Series: Songfic 'verse [7]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Introspection, past sins, work relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-21 16:09:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/902244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarled_musings/pseuds/snarled_musings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fusco vents his feelings about his status quo with Reese, wanting to know when that can change. Reese is surprised at what he finds out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walking in my shoes

**Author's Note:**

> Just a snippet, kind of an experiment since I feel Fusco needed a moment in the spotlight. I'm not sure about his voice at all, but he needed his say!
> 
> Inspired by the classic "Walking in my shoes" by Depeche Mode

Fusco glared at Reese furiously. If the detective had been a dog his hackles would have been raised. Come to think of it he actually resembled a bulldog a little. The thought almost made John smile, but only almost.

 

”How long do I have to keep this crap up? I'm a good guy, I'm a bad guy... Hell, I don't know which foot to stand on! One day I save someone, the next I kill someone. To save your ass, I might add! I don't know how much longer I can do this! Am I with you guys or not, a good guy or not?” It vaguely amused John that Fusco thought of him as one of the good guys. There were days when he seriously wondered if that was true, despite trying really hard to be. ”Why can't I just keep the track you take?”

 

_I would tell you about the things they put me through, the pain I've been subjected to_

_But the lord himself would blush_

_The countless feasts laid at my feet, forbidden fruits for me to eat_

_but I think your pulse would start to rush_

 

It took all his will power to keep his jaw from dropping. Fusco wanted to follow his beaten track? He wondered where the hell he'd gone wrong. He hated to admit it, but Fusco had stepped beyond the limits of an asset. He'd moved into the territory of being a friend. He'd seen his methods, his way of handling things and he still wanted to go down that road? The strangest thing was, Fusco didn't seem to blame him for the messes the detective had been in lately. John had gotten him into the whole HR business practically at gunpoint at the beginning. He didn't feel bad about _that_ , it had been a matter of saving his own ass back then. But he could have let the detective pull out a long time ago. If he'd asked to do so John would have agreed instantly. He owed that much, and more, to Fusco for all he'd done. Yeah, he'd saved Fusco a couple of times, but in all honesty John had placed him in the line of fire most of those times.

 

_Now I'm not looking for absolution, forgiveness for the things I do_

_But before you come to any conclusion, try walking in my shoes, try walking in my shoes_

 

He tried to see himself through Fusco's eyes, but it wasn't possible. Images of the past flashed through his mind. Dark alleys, his hands drenched in blood from a nameless target. Pressing Kara up against a wall, taking her roughly while still smothered in the stench of death. Smiling charmingly, using his face and body to seduce the information he needed from his source. All he saw in his mind's eye were the countless monstrous things he'd done, the animal he'd let himself become to serve his country. A country that had betrayed him. But he'd survived, kept his ruthless practicality as the only badge of honor from that time. And here he was now, with someone he'd coerced into working for him, forced to become an asset and do his dirty work. And that guy considered him _good_? Wanted to follow his beaten path? He was speechless.

 

_You stumble in my footsteps, keep the same appointments I get_

_If you try walking in my shoes, if you try walking in my shoes_

 

”Come on, I thought we'd take down the remains of HR, clean their clocks. I want free of those bastards, I don't want to be one of the bad guys anymore!” Fusco actually sounded just a touch pleading. Reese felt a sting of guilty conscience as he looked at the shorter man.

 

_Morality would frown upon, decency look down upon, the scapegoat's fate made of me_

_But I promise now my judge and jurors, my intentions couldn't have been purer_

_My case is easy to see_

 

Somehow he'd been deeply unfair to Fusco. He'd swayed Carter into working with them because her moral compass was pointed in the right direction. He'd already known Fusco's moral compass was skewed, but he'd never questioned why. Not in the beginning. Lionel was just a crooked cop, a means to an end, someone he could use as an extension of himself. It didn't matter if he got caught in the cross fire. Then he'd seen the loyalty to his friends, even if it meant Fusco putting himself in the middle of a possible shit storm. He'd even been recipient of that loyalty himself when Fusco had saved his ass. He thought of saving Taylor Carter, taking him back to Carter safely. With a start he realized he'd do the same with Lee Fusco. He looked at Fusco and came to another realization. In a lot of ways he trusted Fusco more than he trusted Carter. He'd left Lionel in a lot of tight spots, but that didn't have anything to do with not giving a damn whether the man lived or died. It was simply he trusted Lionel's survival instincts and street smarts to save his ass. Corner Lionel Fusco and the man might well turn into a rabid dog as his survival instincts kicked in. They'd been honed, sharpened over the time he'd been Reese's asset. Obviously, since Fusco had given up on ambushing Reese. He wasn't as sure about Carter, she let her conscience get in the way. Now he looked at Fusco, really looked at him. He saw the new lines on his face, the strands of gray in his hair. Testament of the strain Fusco suffered, the strain he put Fusco through.

 

_I'm not looking for a clearer conscience, peace of mind after what I've been through_

_but before we talk of any repentance, try walking in my shoes, try walking in my shoes_

 

_You stumble in my footsteps, keep the same appointments I get_

_If you try walking in my shoes, if you try walking in my shoes_

 

”You're not one of the bad guys, Lionel.”

 

”I may still go down as one of them. I want HR finished, so I can get back on the right track, solving cases for real with you guys. I want to look at Lee and know that he can be proud of me.” Reese put a hand on Lionel's shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze.

 

”Lee can be proud of you already, Lionel. You've done a lot of good for a lot of people. You've saved me, you've saved Finch, you've helped Carter out. You've done what I've asked you to, many times without asking too many questions. I owe you.” Fusco's eyes filled with hope.

 

”I can work full out with you guys? We can take down HR?” Reese's smile was slightly strained.

 

”We will take HR out, I promise you. But working full out with us? You don't want to do that. You might want to keep a little distance.” Fusco's face fell slightly.

 

”Why should I want to do that?” Reese was amazed. How could he not see it?

 

”Come on, Lionel, you can't be a good cop and work with me and Finch closely. Those two are mutually exclusive.”

 

”Why?” Fusco's voice was hard, flat, disappointment clear on his features. Reese closed his eyes.

 

”Because we're not entirely good people.”

 

_Now I'm not looking for absolution, forgiveness for the things I do_

_But before you come to any conclusion, try walking in my shoes, try walking in my shoes_

 

_You stumble in my footsteps, keep the same appointments I get_

_Try walking in my shoes, if you try walking in my shoes, try walking in my shoes_

 

Fusco looked at him uncomprehendingly. Reese sighed and closed his eyes. ”How can you not see the things we do, Lionel? You know of our questionable methods, my less than spotless record with thugs. And that's just my present, I won't even drag out past sins. You know the crap I've put you through.”

 

”Yeah, but I know the times you've risked your life to save someone innocent. The times you've saved me, or Carter. Yeah, it's not like you don't play dirty, but you're _fair_. You do good, you help people. Even when you get jack shit back, you help people. That's a good guy in my book. I don't care what you've done before. You know what I've done; you still help me out. How could I do less? What kind of douche would that make me? So all I care about is being able to do my job the way I set out in the beginning, be a good cop and help people. Help you. The rest's history, what's done is done, and you don't want to cry on my shoulder about it. I don't wanna hear it, I don't need to know. The only thing important is: can I be a good cop?” Reese's eyes had grown wide during Fusco's speech. The fierceness of his words startled him, as did the sentiment behind. Somehow he believed he wouldn't stutter the next time he had to introduce Fusco as a friend. He gave a fierce grin and clapped Fusco on the back. The shorter man took a stumbling step forward at the force of it.

 

”What do you say? Should we take down the rest of those crooked cops?” The grin on Fusco's face was equally fierce as he nodded.

 

”Hell yeah!”

 


End file.
